Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia!

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is my favourite word in the English language. To some extent that is because its the second longest word* and also because an attempt to decipher its etymology leaves you with words like Hippopotamus, Monster and Sesquipedalian. But what I absolutely love about this word is the irony it is impregnated with. Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of saying long words! Therefore, if you have this fear, you probably will never be able to express it - at least not with the word that means fear of saying long words!

And now I have a confession to make. I happen to be hipp...hipp... hippopoto... hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobic (Phew! That was close!) But you see, it's not English that's the problem - it's Russian! I'm no star polyglot but I think I speak and know of enough languages to say that Russian is probably the most daunting language for beginners that I have ever come across!

For instance, consider the word for 'Hello' in Russian - Zdravstvutye! The very first word you need to pick up is almost unpronouncable and the fact that its so long never helped!

Let's move on to manners. Spaciba, which means 'Thank you' is easy enough but have a look at 'Please' - Pozhalooesta! I may only now have gotten used to saying this without mistakes but for a long time, I found it easier to be uncivil than to verbalise this multi-syllabled monstrosity!

And then there are words that are not just unsympathetic to those who are new to learning the language but to tourists as well! Behold, the verb 'to travel' - puteshestvovat'! I love to travel but everytime I was asked in my Russian oral exam what my hobbies are - do you think I was ever able to get that one out? Of course not! So, I settled for less exciting things such as reading books and watching the idiot box!

Even worse, I was at a train station the other day and needed to ask if it was possible to travel to Moscow without my passport.** I knew how to say everything but my tongue divorced me when it came to saying puteshestvovat'! "Pute...pute", I struggled as the lady at the counter looked at me unimpressed! I felt so cheated! Didn't the fact that I could say the rest of the sentence correctly count? Weren't there any points for, "Mozhna, pute-whatever do Moskvi bez passporta?"

Which brings me to the longest word in the Russian language - dostoprimechaatelnosti, the word for 'sight-seeing'! Agreed that it isn't very short in English either but its made up of two reasonably short words that yield the meaning in combination, which therefore makes it easy to remember! (Or is it easy for me just because my English is better than my Russian?)

And here is my point - English has long words too but most of us - especially tourists to the UK or the US - will never use them! I can almost guarantee that it would be another 50 years before you hear (or read) the word, 'hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia' again! In fact, I can bet my life that for most of you, this was probably your first time! And you will probably never hear the longest word* in English in your entire life-time! But in Russian, that's not the case! These are everyday words and if you have decided to learn the language, you just have to overcome them!


* The longest word is 'Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis', which is a lung disease

** You need your passport for everything here - from using credit cards to getting a SIM card to travelling within the country! There is an interesting saying from the Soviet times, "Bez bumashki, mii bukashki" which means "Without a passport, we are little insects." It doesn't sound very interesting in English because things get lost in translation but it's pretty funny and reveals a lot!

Zita i Gita

There are 1.1 billion Indians in this world. It, therefore, always comes as a bit of a shock when people exclaim, "Ti iz Indii!!!" (You're from India!!!) as if I'm some sort of a cross between a Hollywood celebrity and an endangered species!

Yesterday, I had gone to Novgorod, one of Russia's oldest cities around 180 kms south of St. Pete, with Hanne, Johan and Wille. At a souvenir shop next to the Vitoslavsky Museum of Wooden Architecture, as I checked out wooden toys, matryoshka dolls and jewellery, the Babushka who owned the shop stood up to help me out.

"40 roubles. 30 roubles", she said as my hands investigated the different objects.
"Sorok. Tridsat.", I repeated in Russian to indicate that I did speak the language a little and would prefer it over English.
And then almost out of the blue, she asked, "Devushka, ti iz Germanii?"
"Nyet, iz Indii", I replied.
"Iz Indii!!!!!"

She then went on to tell me that she had never seen an Indian in her entire life and that I should come to Novgorod and to her shop again in the Summer. And to stay true to her sentiment, she offered me a 10 rouble discount for the 2 bracelets I picked up. Whilst I was totally flattered by her gesture, I obviously paid my entire share. If only I could speak enough Russian to tell her that there were another 1.1 billion people exactly like me and it would be positively disgraceful to rob a Babushka of 10 roubles by pretending I was anything special!

But this was just the appetiser...

On the bus back to St. Pete, I was showing Hanne this month's National Geographic Traveller and the 10-page section they did on India. Suddenly, the man sitting in the seat behind me stood up and said the famous words, "Devushka, ti iz Indii???"

"Da", I said proudly, punctuating my response with an anticipatory silence to allow him to express his amazement and joy for having met me. (You can tell I have gotten used to this game!)

Vladimir could barely contain his excitement and told me he has always wanted to go to Balleiwood! Perhaps, I burst the bubble by telling him that Bollywood may be the biggest movie industry in the world but we don't have a location as exciting as Galleiwood's! (The Russians convert the English H to G - so its Gollywood, Galloween, Gimalayas, Gitler...)

Vladimir and his girl-friend, Galina were on their way to St. Pete from Moscow and had made a stop at Novgorod as well. When we got to St. Pete, we exchanged numbers and decided to meet the following day for a drink.

Today, Vova, Galya and I spoke about India at length - about Goa, cows, yoga and why someone would be stupid enough to leave India and come to place as cold as Russia! And we obviously spoke about Bollywood...

They told me that when they were little, they used to watch Bollywood movies dubbed in Russian on TV!
Galya asked me if I had seen the one with the Indian Charlie Chaplin. Upon a little probing, this turned out to be Raj Kapoor's Mera Naam Joker, unarguably the most famous Bollywood movie in Russia - if only because it had a Russian circus and Russian actors!

Then Vova jumped in his chair and said, "Aanchal, have you seen Zita i Gita?" ('i' is Russian for 'and')
"Zita i Gita? What is that?", I asked. Gita is definitely Indian but the Zita completely threw me off. I couldn't think of anything that fit the bill.
"It used to come on TV all the time...with the two girls...who looked like each other...and a fat lady...", Vova explained, unable to hide the desperation on his face.
"Seeta aur Geeta? Seeta aur Geeta! You have seen Seeta aur Geeta!!!"
Oh my God! They have seen Seeta aur Geeta! Even my sister hasn't seen Seeta aur Geeta!

How incredible! But it's a shame that India and Russia don't have such strong ties anymore. During the Cold-War, we may have been non-aligned but our non-alignment wore the Soviet hammer and sickle. Just as my parents were taught to call their parents "Mummy and Daddy" at a time when India was recovering from British colonialism, my sister and I were taught to call our parents, "Mama and Papa" which had become popular with the Soviet influence! When Indians were naming their children Natasha, Irina and Vanya, some in the USSR named theirs Indira!

And today, we may maintain workable relations with Russia but the strength of our relationship has certainly weakened! We have come to love America more! Even long after the Cold War, it seems like a choice between heads and tails on a coin toss, between a hit and a miss on the dartboard - you can't have both!

Perhaps, we need to get back on Russian television! What say, Bollywood?

Three weeks into Russia...

Lazy is my middle name. For the sake of accuracy, it should have been my first and last name as well!

I have been thinking of breaking my cyber silence and starting a blog documenting my experiences in Russia for quite some time now and after 3 weeks and some very interesting experiences, I have finally decided to let my fingers loose on the keyboard...

This is my second time in St Petersburg. Admittedly, I wasn't as fascinated this time as much as in June 2006. Piter (as the locals call St Petersburg) and I have moved on from the initial rush into something more meaningful. But no matter what, I still feel like a child in a candy store - inquisitive and hungry!

Anyway, I won’t recap everything in the last three weeks so this will have to be short (and perhaps a bit abrupt) - just that I’ve been super-lucky with the people I have met. Have made some amazing friends - My flatmate, Meritxell (pr. Mari-chell) from Barcelona is my best-friend here! Then there are Richard (pr. Rick-hard) from Hungary, Hanne (pr. Honn-eh) from Norway and my room-mate, Junko from Japan. These are the people I have laughed and cried with - when the University bus broke down, when there was no hot-water and when it turned out that the heart-achingly handsome German guy* came with an engagement ring attached to his finger!

PS - I'm still recovering from the Heiner* incident...if God were Michelangelo, Heiner would have been the Sistine Chapel! Oh my God...I've started to sound like Carrie Bradshaw, haven't I?