Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia!

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is my favourite word in the English language. To some extent that is because its the second longest word* and also because an attempt to decipher its etymology leaves you with words like Hippopotamus, Monster and Sesquipedalian. But what I absolutely love about this word is the irony it is impregnated with. Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of saying long words! Therefore, if you have this fear, you probably will never be able to express it - at least not with the word that means fear of saying long words!

And now I have a confession to make. I happen to be hipp...hipp... hippopoto... hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobic (Phew! That was close!) But you see, it's not English that's the problem - it's Russian! I'm no star polyglot but I think I speak and know of enough languages to say that Russian is probably the most daunting language for beginners that I have ever come across!

For instance, consider the word for 'Hello' in Russian - Zdravstvutye! The very first word you need to pick up is almost unpronouncable and the fact that its so long never helped!

Let's move on to manners. Spaciba, which means 'Thank you' is easy enough but have a look at 'Please' - Pozhalooesta! I may only now have gotten used to saying this without mistakes but for a long time, I found it easier to be uncivil than to verbalise this multi-syllabled monstrosity!

And then there are words that are not just unsympathetic to those who are new to learning the language but to tourists as well! Behold, the verb 'to travel' - puteshestvovat'! I love to travel but everytime I was asked in my Russian oral exam what my hobbies are - do you think I was ever able to get that one out? Of course not! So, I settled for less exciting things such as reading books and watching the idiot box!

Even worse, I was at a train station the other day and needed to ask if it was possible to travel to Moscow without my passport.** I knew how to say everything but my tongue divorced me when it came to saying puteshestvovat'! "Pute...pute", I struggled as the lady at the counter looked at me unimpressed! I felt so cheated! Didn't the fact that I could say the rest of the sentence correctly count? Weren't there any points for, "Mozhna, pute-whatever do Moskvi bez passporta?"

Which brings me to the longest word in the Russian language - dostoprimechaatelnosti, the word for 'sight-seeing'! Agreed that it isn't very short in English either but its made up of two reasonably short words that yield the meaning in combination, which therefore makes it easy to remember! (Or is it easy for me just because my English is better than my Russian?)

And here is my point - English has long words too but most of us - especially tourists to the UK or the US - will never use them! I can almost guarantee that it would be another 50 years before you hear (or read) the word, 'hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia' again! In fact, I can bet my life that for most of you, this was probably your first time! And you will probably never hear the longest word* in English in your entire life-time! But in Russian, that's not the case! These are everyday words and if you have decided to learn the language, you just have to overcome them!


* The longest word is 'Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis', which is a lung disease

** You need your passport for everything here - from using credit cards to getting a SIM card to travelling within the country! There is an interesting saying from the Soviet times, "Bez bumashki, mii bukashki" which means "Without a passport, we are little insects." It doesn't sound very interesting in English because things get lost in translation but it's pretty funny and reveals a lot!